The reciprocity rule says that we should try to repay, in a similar way, what another person has provided to us.
For instance, if a man does us a favor, we should do one for him in return. Or, if a woman sends us a birthday gift, we should remember her birthday with a gift of our own. And if a couple invites us to a party, we should invite them to one of ours too.
In a way, then, because of the reciprocity rule, we’re obligated to the future repayment of favors, gifts, invitations, and other such things that we’ve received. Or, to put it another way, we usually dislike people who merely take and don’t give in return. And as such, we’ll go to great lengths to avoid being one of them.
In fact, we’ve even assigned labels to people who violate the reciprocity rule. For instance, common terms include moocher, ungrateful, and swindler.
With that said, though, there are several important characteristics of this rule. And these characteristics help us to understand how the rule can be used profitably by anyone who recognizes it as the source of influence it is. So, let’s dig into each of them below.
The Rule is Overwhelming
First of all, the rule for reciprocity is strong. In fact, it’s so strong that it can overpower the influence of another factor that normally affects our decision to comply with a person’s request. And that factor is the liking of the requester or the actual request.
For instance, politicians are able to get elected representatives to pass many of their bills and measures, even when the representatives are strongly opposed to some of the proposals. And they’re able to do this simply by providing a large number of favors before sponsoring a bill or measure.
In a similar way, organizations are successful in raising funds even when the people who donate the money don’t like the way the solicitors look, dress, or act. And once again, the solicitors are able to do this by simply giving a gift before asking for the contribution.
And for one more example, let’s take a look at supermarkets. Now, these stores often provide free samples. And when they do this, people find it difficult to accept the food from a smiling employee and return only with a toothpick or wrapper.
So, instead of simply walking away, some people end up buying some of the product. And the interesting thing about this is that they’ll buy even if they don’t like the product that much.
The Rule Prompts Uninvited Debts
Now, in addition to its power to get us to comply with a request, there’s another aspect of the reciprocity rule that allows it to be used so effectively. And to be more specific, the rule doesn’t require us to have asked for what we’ve received in order to feel obligated to repay.
For instance, charitable organizations often appeal for donations via mail. However, they receive a greater number of responses when their mailings include an unsolicited gift. In fact, personalized address labels or greeting cards are common examples.
Now, in each of the examples we’ve just covered, the person or organization has already gone through the effort of providing the favor. And as a result, this creates a sense of obligation to receive gifts which can put power in the hands of others.
So, in a sense, the person initiating a reciprocal relationship has all of the free choices. And that’s because he can choose the form of both the initial and return favor.
The Rule Can Trigger Unfair Exchanges
There’s a third feature of the reciprocity rule that allows it to be used profitably by those who understand how to draw upon its force. To clarify, remember that the rule says that a favor is to be met with another favor. But in addition to this, the reciprocity rule can actually be used to bring about unequal exchanges.
In other words, within the reciprocity rule, flexibility is allowed. So, an initial favor that’s small can produce a sense of obligation to return an even larger debt-cancelling favor.
“Why?” you ask.
Well, as we’ve already seen, the rule allows one person to choose the nature of both the indebting first favor and the debt-cancelling return favor. And as such, we could be manipulated into an unfair exchange by those who might want to take advantage of the rule.
On top of this, we don’t like to feel indebted as a result of not returning favors. And, we don’t want to be disliked as a consequence of accepting the good acts of others without returning anything.
Reciprocal Concessions
Now, in addition to the direct route of providing a person with a favor before asking for one in return, there’s a more subtle way to use the reciprocity rule to get someone to comply with your request.
You see, by now, we’ve already seen one consequence of the reciprocity rule. And that consequence is a sense of obligation to repay favors that we’ve received. But on the flip side, another consequence of the rule is to make a concession to someone who’s made a concession to us.
Let’s look at an example of how this works. Suppose that at first, you refuse a request to buy tickets to the circus from me for five dollars each. In that case, you’re now more likely to agree when I ask you to buy chocolate bars for one dollar each. And, you’ll probably do this even if you don’t like chocolate.
“How does this happen?” you ask.
How it Works
Well, the reason is because my request that you purchase one-dollar chocolate bars is put in the form of a concession. And to be more specific, the concession was from my first request that you buy five-dollar circus tickets. So, if you were to live up to the custom of the reciprocity rule, there would also need to be a concession on your part.
But why would you feel obligated to reciprocate a concession? Well, the reason is because it’s in the interests of any group to have its members working together to achieve common goals. However, many times people begin with requirements and demands that are unacceptable to one another.
As such, we must arrange to have these initial, incompatible desires set aside for the sake of socially beneficial cooperation. This is accomplished through procedures that promote compromise. And mutual concession is one important such procedure.
So, the rule for reciprocation brings about mutual concession by putting pressure on the recipient of an initial concession to respond in kind.
The Rejection-Then-Retreat Technique
Okay. We now know that the rule for reciprocation governs the compromise process. Because of this, then, an initial concession can actually be used as a compliance technique. And this tactic is known as the rejection-then-retreat technique.
Let’s say that you want me to agree to a certain request of yours. Well, the way to improve your chances of success would be to first make an even larger request.
Now, this larger request is one that I’ll most likely reject. Then, after I’ve refused, you make the smaller request that you really wanted all along.
In this case, your second request will be viewed as a concession. As a result, then, I’ll feel inclined to concede to the only option immediately available to me. And that option, of course, would be your second request.
Bigger Requests
Now, the rejection-then-retreat technique is not only useful for gaining compliance with basic requests. But it could also bring about compliance with more sizeable requests.
In other words, the second request doesn’t actually need to be small. It only needs to be smaller than the first request.
For instance, let’s say you want to ask college students to chaperon juvenile delinquents on a trip to the zoo for an entire day without pay. In this case, you’ll be more successful if you first ask them to volunteer as counselors to the delinquents for a minimum of two hours per week over a period of two years.
On the other hand, if the first set of demands is so extreme that it seems unreasonable, the party that made the extreme first request isn’t seen as bargaining in good faith. As a result, any retreat from an unrealistic initial position isn’t seen as genuine. And as such, it isn’t reciprocated.
So, a gifted negotiator will start with an initial position that’s exaggerated enough to allow for reciprocal concessions that result in a desirable final offer from the opponent. But this position is not so extreme that it’s seen as illegitimate to begin with.
3 Reasons Why the Technique Works
So, we’ve already learned that one reason for the effectiveness of the rejection-then-retreat technique is that it incorporates the reciprocity rule. But, the larger-then-smaller-request strategy is effective for two other reasons as well.
The first reason relates to a principle in human perception called the contrast principle. And this principle says that, among other things, after being exposed to the higher price of a first item, the price of the less costly item will seem even lower by comparison.
In the same way, then, the larger-then-smaller-request technique also makes use of the contrast principle. And it does this by making the smaller request look even smaller when compared to the larger one.
For instance, if you want to borrow five dollars from me, you can make it seem like a smaller request by first asking me to borrow ten dollars. And the beautiful thing about this tactic is that is engages the force of both the reciprocity rule and the contrast principle.
In other words, your second request to borrow five dollars will be viewed as a concession to be reciprocated. And at the same time, it’ll also look like a smaller request than if you asked for the five dollars outright.
Now, in addition to the reciprocity rule and the perceptual contrast principle, the rejection-then-retreat technique has a third factor working in its favor. And to be more specific, this additional advantage comes from the structural feature of the request sequence.
More Examples of the Technique
To see how this works, let’s go back to your wish to borrow five dollars. By first starting with the ten-dollar request, you really can’t lose. You see, if I agree to your request, you’ll have received double the amount that you would’ve settled for.
But if I turn down your ten-dollar request, you can then retreat to the five-dollar request that you wanted all along. And through the action of the reciprocity and contrast principles, you’ll have greatly increased your odds of succeeding.
In fact, you may recognize that retail stores are well-known for using this larger-then-smaller-request technique. Here, salespeople often show their top-of-the-line deluxe models first. And if the customer buys, then it’s icing on the store’s cake. But if the customer declines, the salesperson can counter with a more reasonably priced model.
For instance, let’s say you’re a billiard-table dealer, and you show a customer the expensive $3,000 table first. Then, after this, you allow the customer to shop the rest of the line in declining order of price. And this includes a $400 model. In this case, you’re more likely to increase the size of the average sale than if you promoted the low-priced item first and encouraged the customer to trade up.
A Potential Problem with the Technique
Now, since the rejection-then-retreat technique is so effective, you might think that there could be a significant disadvantage as well. Specifically, the victims might resent having been cornered into compliance.
And as a result, the victim might decide to not live up to agreement with the requester. Or, the victim may no longer trust the requester, deciding never to deal with him again.
Well, as strange as it may be, it seems that the rejection-then-retreat technique spurs people to not only agree to a desired request, but also to carry out the request, and volunteer to perform further requests.
“How can this be?” you wonder.
Well, there are two positive by-products of the act of concession: feelings of greater responsibility for, and satisfaction with, the agreement.
Positive By-Products of Concession
To see how this works, suppose I’m bargaining with you to divide a certain amount of money. Now, in order to do this, I use one of three approaches.
With the first approach, I make an extreme first demand by assigning almost all of the money to myself. And on top of this, I also persist in that demand.
With the second approach, I make a more moderate demand that’s favorable to myself. But once again, I also refuse to move from that position.
And finally, with the third approach, I begin with the extreme demand. But this time, I deliberately and gradually retreat to the more moderate one no matter what you do.
Under this scenario, let’s focus on my use the third strategy of retreating. In this case, you’re more likely to feel like you influenced me to take less money. And as a result, you’re likely to feeling more responsible for the final outcome of the negotiation. As such, a person who feels responsible for the terms of a contract is more likely to actually live up to that contract.
On top of this, agreements that have been forged through the concessions of your opponent seem more satisfying. As such, people who are satisfied with an arrangement are more likely to agree to further such arrangements.
How to Protect Yourself From Getting Abused
So, now you know about the power of the reciprocity rule in getting us to comply with a requester’s wishes. With that said, though, how do you protect yourself from dishonest people? In other words, how do you defend yourself from people who have intentions of exploiting the rule in order to gain an unfair advantage at your expense?
Let’s say someone from a nonprofit association offers to inspect your home for fire hazards and give you a home fire extinguisher. And both are free of charge. Then, at the end of the visit, he simply suggests that you get a fire-warning system and leaves.
In this case, you would’ve been done a favor by the inspector. As such, you should be ready to return the favor if you saw him in need of help in the future. After all, this is in accordance with the reciprocity rule.
On the flip side, instead of leaving after he recommends a fire-alarm system, let’s say that he launches a presentation. But to clarify, it’s a high-pressure sales presentation that’s intended to get you to buy an expensive alarm system. In this case, the answer is to redefine what you’ve received.
In other words, the inspection and extinguisher weren’t gifts, but sales tactics. And once you recognize this, you’re free to decline the offer without being influenced by the reciprocity rule.
Again, let’s say that he responds to your refusal by asking that you at least give him the name of some of your friends that he might call on. In this case, define his retreat as not a real concession, but a compliance tactic.
Once you do this, you’re less likely to feel a sense of obligation to him. And as such, you can be as compliant or non-compliant as you wish.
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